While all eyes (well…maybe not ALL eyes!)  have been focused on the Russian/Ukrainian dispute, a little noticed ethnic dilemma has slowly been building in the little Rocky Mountain Hamlet of Gold Hill, Colorado.

One of the largest contingents of Irish in Gold Hill suddenly left the area in the last few days.  This coming before the high holy day of St. Patrick’s Day was seemingly ineplicable! ( It is possible that it was their annual trip to Florida to escape the long and windy winter here, but it may suit our purposes to assume otherwise!)  This left the remaining Irish minority (specifically Donal J. Maloney and Christopher R Kiley) feeling vulnerable and oppressed. (Oppressed by whom, we cannot say, but let’s just assume it was a Saxon!)  Searching for a solution to this dilemma, they took a hint from Russian methods and decided to seek protection from their ancestral homeland.  Thus, on Saturday, March 15, 2014, a referendum will be held at 730 Main Street, Gold Hill, Colorado regarding whether to declare the area around and about that address to be a permanent part of Ireland!  Starting at 4:00pm,  rogue elements dressed in green (about as succinct a description of my friends as I can think of!) will secure the premises , hoisting the Irish flag in front of the building.  After much spirited debate, (yes, spirited…if you know what we mean!)  a foregone conclusion will be voted upon and the celebration will begin.  Feel free to join us in Ireland’s newest county!

Donal Maloney

donalmalo@nulljuno.com